The Daily Nole

The Outside Slant: FSU Opponents Virginia Tech, Samford, Syracuse, Northern Illinois

Mitch White/FSU athletics

You know what sucks? Reading 15 different season previews and realizing that they all sound like the same person under 15 different names. That’s not a shot at the Florida State beat, and lord knows I’m guilty of it too, but why not have some fun? I really doubt anyone thinks less of a website or writer because they decided to have fun with a monotonous part of the offseason. Now, my old Facebook posts — definitely a reason to think less of me.

We here at The Daily Nole understand how boring it can get. So my editor Mike Ferguson is letting me attempt at a humorous look of the upcoming season, complete with my deepest, darkest thoughts about every opponent. It seems like a risky idea at first, but remember that The Weeknd won a Kid’s Choice Award for a song that talked about face-numbing from doing cocaine. Point being that bad ideas have unintended consequences, and you’re already listening so why not enjoy it?

Jimbo Fisher, if you are reading this: I want my senior year at FSU back.

Virginia Tech

This game is going to be insane, if for no other reason than FSU fans losing their minds every time this year’s team does something that last year’s wouldn’t. Going for it on fourth down? Fireworks. Offense goes up-tempo on their first drive? Osceola and Renegade return for a second pass. Defensive backs don’t play 10 yards off on 3rd-and-short? Rush the field.

Either the Hokie players hate head coach Justin Fuente or they hate playing football, cause damn near half the team is out before the season begins. Academics, discipline, you name it, Virginia Tech has lost a player to it. The Hokies even lost their defensive co-coordinator because he was engaged in a very different type of “recruiting” that falls somewhere between Hugh Freeze and Bobby Petrino on the scandal meter.

The Hokies are not completely helpless however. Josh Jackson is a fine option at quarterback, Trevon Hill and Ricky Walker are good anchors on the defensive line, and the general amount of young talent is quality enough to get better as the year goes on. But that’s the problem — this is a young team that is being asked to go into Doak Campbell and withstand one of the toughest crowds they’ll face all year. They’ll have some offensive sparks, but I really doubt their defense is going to be hold up.

Are They Tough? The last time a Fuente team showed any sort of fight was a literal fight in 2014. Now with a team whose 2-deep are still waiting for its final SAT scores, I’m not sure they’re going to be able to withstand an FSU squad desperately trying to blow the doors off. Bud Foster is pretty good though. Oh, and something, something, bowl streak.

Prediction: FSU 6, Virginia Tech 3

Samford

Jimbo Fisher’s alma mater comes into Doak Campbell Stadium, perplexed at what it thought would be a reuniting affair with one of its most famous alumni. Instead, he downgraded from a Bulldog to a Border Collie (fight me, dog weirdos). Now they have no protection from a 40-plus point blowout, unless FSU’s Willie Taggart wants to get experimental after going up a few scores. If there’s a game where Akers plays quarterback, this is it.

Do They Have a Chance? Yes, if the 2-deep get embroiled in a credit card scam.

Prediction: FSU 56, Samford 7

Syracuse

Syracuse head coach Dino Babers pulled off the most incredible of seasons, somehow upsetting No. 2 Clemson but then proceeding to lose his next five games to end the year. Usually teams get a boost when they win a stunner in their home warehouse. This team even lost to Florida State!

I’m not sure what the going trade rate is for upsetting a national contender, but I’m fairly certain it does not involve losing to Middle Tennessee, giving up 64 to Wake Forest, and giving up 42 to Boston College. The starting quartervack was out for the last few games, but I regret to inform you that the starting quarterback was not a reason the Orange gave up 64 points to Founding Father John Wolford. Either this team makes a bowl game or Dino goes the way of his namesake.

Anyone To Be Afraid Of? Eric Dungey is deceptively good and I don’t mean that in the “white guy playing football” way. His bad games are bad, but he’s a legitimate threat both through the air and on the ground when he’s in a rhythm. I even know a Jacksonville Jaguars fan who is dead set on drafting him whenever he’s eligible. That would be very tragic, so enjoy him while he’s in New York.

Prediction: FSU 42, Syracuse 21

Northern Illinois

This storied rivalry returns with 100 percent less Jordan Lynch and 99 percent less on the line. Old nemesis Dave Doeren is now with NC State, and new nemesis Rod Carey was actually the interim head coach for the 2013 Orange Bowl. The plot twist is that FSU doesn’t have a fullback who can run for 134 yards and almost single-handedly win the game on just five carries. Advantage: Huskies.

Like it or not, this is Florida State’s last tune-up game before it starts grappling with much tougher opponents. The Seminoles might honestly take this one slow in order to prep for the Louisville game the week after. Not too slow however — the Huskies actually return a capable defense with plenty of starters. They ranked 14th in the S&P defensive ratings for 2017.

Where Is Jordan Lynch Anyways? – If you guessed “not in professional football”, you are correct. Lynch is actually the head coach of Mount Carmel High School in Chicago, who hired Lynch after legendary coach Frank Lenti retired. Now Lynch has to try and succeed a guy who won 11 state championships. If Bjoern Werner ever realizes that his NFL career is a sunk cost, he should assume head coaching duties at the rival school.

Prediction: FSU 42, Northern Illinois 20

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