The Daily Nole

Pessimist’s Guide to FSU Football in Four Easy Steps

Phil Kelly/FSU athletics

With the spring game over and done with, it’s the time of year when news around the Florida State football program will be limited. Spring practice has now ended and thus whatever focus is on football will now shift to the other sports. Don’t fret though — there will be enough hot takes over the next few months to sustain any talk about the program.

Why is that exactly? Because as we are all acutely aware of, there are those known as “pessimists” that abound sports fandom. If you think your team is going to do well, have a conversation with them, and you’ll never guess how much one tree sticks out from the forest. These types of fans have become especially noticeable for Florida State, whose 2016 season did not end in national title consideration like it was expected to.

Are there legitimate criticisms? Absolutely! One would be foolish not to think that FSU could be doing certain things better in a few areas. But sports pessimists go beyond that — they find faults where there are none.

If you or a loved one has considered becoming a pessimist, or you are wondering where these types of people went wrong, we’ve compiled a 4-step process to illuminate this category of fan. Enjoy:

Step 1: Downplay any recruiting success and disbelieve any optimism

Most fans are probably familiar with this step of the process, even if they aren’t the ones actually doing it. But rest assured, visit Twitter/Facebook/any forum when recruiting enters its final stretch after the national championship. Any visitor would have no clue that Florida State finished outside the top 10 only once in the past five cycles. Every top recruit that doesn’t commit to FSU was simply Jimbo Fisher and his staff being unable to close. Every recruit that FSU is battling for will obviously choose the other school. If they’re below a 4-star? Might as well be signaling a slide back into mediocrity reminiscent of the “Lost Decade”.

But the step is not complete until after the class has signed. Because there’s still a crucial aspect missing: one must then argue that the signed recruits are actually not as good as their ratings suggest. That highly-rated defensive end who was wanted by every major program in the country? Serious off the field red flags…his teammates didn’t even go to his birthday party. That running back who dominated the camp circuits and tough high school competition? Completely soft, goes down after one hit. If there’s a flaw (and even if there isn’t), it has to be pointed out.

Florida State just isn’t as cool as it used to be!

Step 2: Overreact to spring practice results

Spring practice observations aren’t totally useless. They can usually indicate who might be surprisingly good or if someone’s spot is not completely secure. For many players, it is the first time they will not be treated as a star on campus. Going from the best player on your high school team to a third string on a college team serves as an awakening. Some handle it better than others. Of course, despite any warnings to take some precaution, certain fans cannot help themselves.

Why is that undersized 4-star offensive line recruit not immediately beating out the experienced right guard? Surely he’d be ready after one month in the program? Unless he’s one of those recruiting busts that Fisher loves to bring in! At the same time, the newcomers can’t be too good — that might indicate that the rest of the team is worse. After all, who would let a freshman run all over them in practice? Isn’t it an accepted fact that you’re a bust if you aren’t a starter by spring practice? The team that is in these sessions is obviously the one that will be starting on the field come September (not really). Looks like it’s another disappointing year ahead.

Step 3: Rationalize every good win as luck or expected

Few coaches have acquired a resume as impressive as Jimbo Fisher’s in the same amount of time. Even his “bad” teams win at least nine games, and even the relatively disappointing 2016 squad has an Orange Bowl ring. Seven years as Florida State’s head coach has brought him a 78-17 overall record and five bowl wins (including three major bowls).

Yet, somehow almost all those big wins just might be flukes. It might not be evident how a coach can ride out fluke wins for seven years, but if you tilt your head and squint your eyes a bit, it all becomes so much clearer! That 2012 victory over Clemson was at Doak? It’s so clear that FSU should have won regardless. Every 2013 win was the product of Jameis Winston and Jameis Winston only and another one of him isn’t coming around any time soon. Georgia Tech in 2014? Irrelevant because the Yellow Jackets run some weird flexbone/triple/old man option offense, so that success clearly won’t carry over to other teams. Dominating the Gators 27-2 should be expected! Even the Orange Bowl victory over a top Michigan team doesn’t count because Jabrill Peppers was injured. That’s right folks, one player was the reason a stacked Michigan defense gave up 33 points.

Really, when you exclude every good win that Fisher/FSU possess, he’s not even that good of a coach! Amazing how that works.

Step 4: The future is bleak

Great recruiting, great coaching, high-profile victories, and plenty of investment in the program would seem to indicate that FSU continues to move in the right direction. Last season may not have lived up to expectations, but the pieces are all there for a national championship run in 2017. Every program has questions around them, and FSU is no different.

Turns out that’s wrong apparently. In a world of ever-changing teams and programs, FSU somehow manages to be the stagnant one, according to parts of the fan base. Clemson just won a national championship and has firmly planted itself in the race for the next few years. Florida just had a great close on National Signing Day and competes in a weak SEC East. Miami is getting better at recruiting and is about to build an indoor practice facility. If you just looked at those three statements in isolation and ignored every advantage FSU has, you would understand why there’s a pessimistic outlook for the future. Everyone else is getting better, Florida State is getting worse.

Don’t even get them started on FSU basketball and baseball!

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